Whoever said Noy was an ungrateful, opportunistic, incompetent, corrupt person?
Well, okay, we never said he was ungrateful.
In fact, Oh Noy compiles the TOP 10 THANK YOU CARDS FROM NOY to various people who have been useful, er, helpful in his campaign to be top banana (yes, bananas are YELLOW).
10. To the Liberal Party elders
“Thanks for getting Mar out of my way, and for seeing how much better a person I am. Mama’s boy kasi yun e! I’m more presidentiable, sabi nga ni Kris.”
9. To Mar Roxas
“Thanks for forgetting about the gazillions you, este, Tita Judy already spent for your campaign and agreeing to be my vice president even if you were forced by Tito Frank Drilon. No hard feelings ha? Kayo naman ng ex ko nagkatuluyan e! Balato ko na sa yo si Koring.”
8. To Korina Sanchez
“Thanks for letting Mar slide down. Kaw kasi iniwan mo ako e. Ayan di ka na magiging First Lady. Second First Lady na lang. Hihihihi!”
7. To ABS-CBN
“Thanks, Tito Gabby Lopez! I’d rather spend the money that people are donating to my campaign for hair plugs or minoxidil — saka Kris is always bugging me about all the money she’s giving me. I want to show that’s it’s going to good use, aside from buying yosi. Thanks talaga for all the free airtime! XOXO”
6. To the Makati Busines Club
“Thanks, Titos and Titas! You scratch my balls, este, back and I’ll scratch yours! Basta yellow kayo, I’ll assure you that you will get to keep all the businesses you have, and we’ll even grow them together! Just don’t ask me how. That’s what cabinet members are for. Saka yung taxes flip-flopping, wala yun! Don’t worry!”
5. To Kris Aquino
“Thanks for always fighting with James. That gives me a chance to play all responsible and fatherly, and help you patch up. But, please, wag ka nang susugod sa kapitbahay ha? Bad publicity yan! Medyo exag. Love you, sis! Andami mo nang projects, ha. Balato naman!”
4. To PGMA
“Thanks, Tita Gloria, for understanding why I have to attack you now. The people have forgotten, anyway, that I voted NOT to listen to the Hello Garci tapes when I was an administration Deputy Speaker of the House. This is all for votes, of course. I know you will understand. P.S.: Thanks for all the money we got sa SCTEX deal, ha? When I get elected, let’s have lunch — wag lang sa New York. Kaw talaga.”
3. To Conrado de Quiros
“Thanks so much, Mr. De Quiros. You’ve made up for all that crap you wrote before about Hacienda Luisita and my mom. However, I just received your billing last week. I think that’s pretty steep! Wala bang discount? I’ll make you my press secretary na lang.”
2. To Jamby Madrigal
“Super thanks for your relentless demolition job on the orange man. Let’s talk about your Tita Chito’s will again. I think there’s a loophole — I need to tax the heirs some more. Then I’ll give that portion to you. By the way, ang konti ng Facebook fans mo ha. You want to add some of mine?”
AND THE NUMBER ONE THANK YOU CARD FROM NOY…
1. To Shalani Soledad
“Thanks for putting up with Kris ha? Alam mo naman what they say. You can’t choose your family. Don’t worry. Matakot ka kung tanggap ka niya agad — ibig sabihin pangit ka. By the way, kelan nga monthsary natin ulet? May pustahan kami ni Korina e. Sabi niya di ko daw alam. Utot niya may kulay!”