NOYNOY LOGIC: Does not #$(#)!% compute

THE DRINK THAT'S ALL TASTE: Refreshing and nothing more.

How many of you took up BASIC?

By that I mean the now ancient computer program that enabled users to string up commands to compose a program for, say, computing location of a projectile at any given time it is launched from something.

I know, totally nerdy stuff for the mathematics or computer-impaired.

Anyway, one of the, er, basic commands of BASIC was the IF-THEN string, which executes a bit of simple logic.

A command line would go something like:

IF X=8 THEN GOTO 120 ELSE 50.

In plain terms, if the value of X is eight, then the program routes to line 120. If not, it goes to command line 50 – presumably some subroutine.

Okay, don’t sleep just yet. We’ll get to the good stuff soon enough.

We were both bored and amazed (challenge: try to muster that kind of look) at the new discovery of 640K computers, dot matrix printers, amber screens, and, yes, BASIC.

That the computer could possess this kind of logic was unheard of in the day of Casio scientific calculators and nothing else.

What was marvelous was that the computer could now THINK for itself. Some aspect of decision-making was now firmly in its PCB grasp.

I was driving to work – again silently cursing those vehicles with yellow ribbon stickers or some other superlative Noy-Mar sticker that have them smiling their most saintly grins. I asked myself what the hell must be running through Noy’s mind that made him seek the presidency.

Now let’s get ready to (LOGICALLY) rrrrrrrrrruuuuummmmmmmmbbbbble!

TOP 10 IF-THEN-ELSE STRINGS IN NOY’S MIND

10. IF MY MOM’S DEATH WILL GET ME VOTES THEN I’LL RUN ELSE I’LL HIJACK PEOPLE POWER.

9. IF FRANK DRILON SAYS THEY’LL GET MAR OUT OF THE WAY THEN I’LL RUN ELSE I’LL GO BACK TO FOOLING AROUND WITH SHALANI.

8. IF WE CAN KEEP THE HACIENDA LUISITA INJUSTICES UNDER WRAPS THEN I CAN WIN ELSE I’LL HAVE TO KILL EVERYONE THERE.

7. IF KRIS CAN MAXIMIZE HER SHOWBIZ CONNECTIONS THEN WE CAN SAVE A BUNDLE ELSE WE’LL HAVE TO ARMTWIST BOY ABUNDA TALENTS.

6. IF ABS-CBN HELPS MY CAMPAIGN THEN IT’S A LOCK ELSE I’LL HAVE TO ASK MAR’S MOM TO SHELL OUT THE DOUGH.

5. IF I LAY A MASSIVE GUILT TRIP ON CONRADO DE QUIROS THEN WE CAN USE HIM ELSE I’LL HAVE TO SETTLE WITH THE BUZZ WRITERS – NOT REALLY AN PROMISING PROPOSITION.

4. IF I KEEP TAKING POTSHOTS AT THE OPPOSITION THEN I CAN REMOVE THE ATTENTION AWAY FROM MY INABILITIES ELSE I’LL HAVE TO WAIT AGAIN FOR SOMEONE TO DIE IN MY FAMILY.

3. IF I CAN KEEP KRIS CRYING ON NATIONAL TV THEN SHE CAN GIVE ME LOTS OF SYMPATHY VOTES ELSE I’LL HAVE TO BRING OUT SHALANI’S KID OUT OF WEDLOCK.

2. IF I CAN KEEP KRIS AND JAMES TOGETHER AT LEAST FOR THE REMAINDER OF MY CAMPAIGN THEN I DON’T HAVE TO BRING MY TITO FRANK ALONG ON SORTIES ELSE WE’LL RING UP THE COSTS OF FOOD!

AND THE TOP IF-THEN-ELSE STRING IN NOY’S MIND…

1. IF I KEEP ATTACKING TITA GMA THEN EVERYONE MIGHT FORGET I EARNED A LOT FROM OUR SCTEX-HELLO GARCI DEAL ELSE I’LL HAVE TO RETURN THE P25 MILLION I GOT FROM OUR STUPID HACIENDA LUISITA FARMERS!

13 Comments

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13 responses to “NOYNOY LOGIC: Does not #$(#)!% compute

  1. Suzy Santos

    Ah ha ha. Basic brilliant! this blog entry, not Ngoy, ngoy! Awww, now you just exposed what was really in his mind after all this time, not really that zero after all!

  2. 041282

    Plain stupid joke..hehe

    • read

      ha? hotdog! oo ganyan ka, pag walang masabi… tawa na lang,

      • msg

        kahit anong explain niyo kay 041282 eh hindi kayo maiintindihan niyan. ang alam lang niyan eh honest daw si noy at kayang tanggalin corruption. where’s the beef noy? any tangible records? ako kaya ko din sabihin na honest ako at kaya kong mamuno basta iboto niyo ako.

  3. Philip

    this has to be the most entertaining Noy hate-blogs around. i have to commend the blogger for its ingenious object references.
    i ♥ ohnoy.

  4. Maria Santino

    Naku…napaghahalata ata ang edad ko…bakit ko naintindihan ang BASIC? Nyahahaha!

    Ang kulit! Very very inventive, OhNoy!

  5. they better thank the family of Noynoy because they share their land to the farmer of hacienda Luisita

  6. they better thanks the family of Noynoy if the share their land to the farmer of hacienda Luisita

    • michel

      excuse me po. dapat siguro klaruhin natin. hindi po nila lupa yun talaga. pinakiusapan lng si ninoy ni magsaysay nuon na bilhin ng pamilya nila (cojuangco’s) sa kastilaloy yung lupaing iyon gamit ang utang sa central bank.

      ang kondisyon lng ibabalik nila yun sa magsasaka pagkatapos mabayaran ang utang.

      in short, pinagkatiwala lang yun sa kanila pero sinamantala lng ng pamilya nila.

      • Thinking Juan

        Correct. At umutang ang mga Cojuangco sa Chase Manhattan Bank para mabili ang lupa. Isa sa conditions ng bangko sa pagpautang ay na ang lupa ay mababalik din sa mga magsasaka.

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