How Noynoy Aquino lures voters

Walang bahid? Walang duda? WALANG LOHIKA.

I was not yet a voter when Cory Aquino ran for president in the 1986 snap elections, but I would have voted for her because of the OVERWHELMING, POPULAR support for Ninoy’s widow.The way I read the adults (voting population) that time, there was a lot of emotion in the decision making.

And why not? The country was then in the grip of the dictatorship, and the indignation over the assassination of Ninoy Aquino in 1983 bubbled into the streets.

There was a general sense of outrage, and it was time, so to speak, to rage against the machine.

Salvador “Doy” Laurel was widely acknowledged, qualifications wise, as THE man to go up against Apo Marcos, but the people clamored for Cory — even going so far as to lobby via a signature campaign.

Laurel was eased out, in favor of Cory, and the rest is history.

The Noynoyistas frequently point to what they call a repeat of history. It can be done, nay, it SHOULD be done.

* * *

As we all already know, there are crucial differences in time and characters.

THEN: TIME OF CHAOS, DISORDER, DICTATORSHIP

NOW: DEMOCRACY RESTORED (remember, if you yellows deny this, it’s like denying Cory Aquino restored democracy)

THEN: GOOD VERSUS EVIL (Dictatorship versus Freedom)

NOW: EXPERIENCE, EXPERTISE OVER INCOMPETENCE (Everyone versus Noynoy)

* * *

Phone a friend, idiots! Use a lifeline!

The NOYNOY TRAPS

1. Oversimplification: Noynoy is good; others are evil.

2. Denial: Hacienda Luisita doesn’t exist. It’s all in your imagination. Noynoy holds a gazillion shares in that imagination.

3. Association: I’m the son of Ninoy and Cory. Hence, I am heroic and saintly. Kris is not my sister. She’s my wardrobe consultant.

4. Ownership: I own EDSA. If you don’t vote for me, you can NEVER pass through it again!

5. Job creation: Fiscalizers of the world unite! Goddamn spell check!

* * *

Pardon the French: Because, sometimes, it gets so exasperating.

I’m doing a re-post of the entry I did before on a hypothetical conversation between a Noynoy supporter and an undecided voter. It still works, I believe! Some stupidities never change. They just become a little updated (yes, I did some changes).

PRO-NOY: Hey you! Have you decided on a candidate na?

UNDECIDED: Not yet.

PRO-NOY: Oh, great! Vote for Noynoy Aquino, ha? He’s my candidate!

UNDECIDED: Good for you. May I ask why you’re voting for him?

PRO-NOY: That’s easy! I love Tita Cory, no! I even made pila during her wake. Andaming tao! Laban! Laban!

UNDECIDED: Yes, I know. I went to that wake, too. I, uhm, made pila too. I’m asking you why vote for Noynoy?

PRO-NOY: Ninoy is a hero! Cory is virtually a saint and an acknowledged icon of democracy!

UNDECIDED: Yes, and you’re not answering my question. Let’s talk qualifications.

PRO-NOY: How can you not be for Noynoy? Don’t you love the Philippines? Don’t you appreciate what Cory and Ninoy died for? Didn’t you cry when they died?

UNDECIDED: I did! I love Cory and Ninoy as much as the next guy. Cory and Ninoy are NOT Noynoy.

PRO-NOY: Kung ano ang puno, yun ang bunga!

UNDECIDED: You mean like Kris Aquino?

PRO-NOY: Baby James is sooooo cute when he says “Noynoy” at the end of the supah-dupah commercial, di ba? Then he makes the “L” sign pa! He’s so bibo!

UNDECIDED: He was cuter when he said “Vilyay.”

PRO-NOY: Whatever. Noynoy is qualified! He was a congressman and is a senator!

UNDECIDED: What legislative work did he do?

PRO-NOY: He’s a fiscalizer, no! He says we have too many laws na.

UNDECIDED: Then why did he friggin’ run for Senator?

PRO-NOY: Because we need an Aquino in the Senate! At chaka every time Kris and James fight, he makes them bati! Noy’s so galing talaga!

UNDECIDED: (Sighs.)

PRO-NOY: Haven’t you seen that so many people are wearing yellow baller bands and yellow shirts? So many yellow ribbons and stickers are all around you!

UNDECIDED: Is popularity a basis for voting?

PRO-NOY: Hindi ba?

UNDECIDED: You’re still not convincing me.

PRO-NOY: The surveys show he has a huge lead! Noynoy na!

UNDECIDED: Surveys have a respondent base of around 3,000 at most. There are more than 50 million registered voters. You really think those surveys (which Aquino relatives have a hand in, by the way) are reflective of the truth?

PRO-NOY: Who are you thinking about voting for ba?

UNDECIDED: I’m looking for someone who is qualified for the job.

PRO-NOY: Haven’t you been listening to me?

UNDECIDED: I have been and, frankly, your arguments are not convincing me.

PRO-NOY: At sino naman balak mong iboto? Yung pinsan ni Noy, yung mayaman, yung dating pangulo, yung taga Subic, yung pamangkin niya, yung vegetarian (oy, kampi namin yun!), yung titser, yung pastor, o yung na-disqualify?

UNDECIDED: Actually, they all seem to be more qualified than Noynoy.

PRO-NOY: Oy ha! You’re too much na, ha! Basta Noy tayo, ha. Yung walang bahid! Siya lang ganun!

UNDECIDED: What about the Hacienda Luisita massacre? What about that anomalous SCTEX deal? Kamag-anak, Inc.?

PRO-NOY: Hindi ka mag-iisaaaaaaaa (flashes “L” sign and sings a la Regine Velasquez)

UNDECIDED: Hay, mag-isa ka na nga at yang Noy mo!

THE END?

Epilogue:

Mr. Undecided leaves the coffee shop where he and Mr. Pro-Noy had the conversation. As he rounds the corner of the building, Kris Aquino appears out of nowhere and stabs him with a kitchen knife recently used to slice a cake of Goldilocks.

Last thing Mr. Undecided hears is an unearthly laugh and a lilting “Sasaksakin ko kayo lahat! I’ll make patay all of you! Thanks to blah-blah for my hair and makeup… blah-blah.”

21 Comments

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21 responses to “How Noynoy Aquino lures voters

  1. easydoesit

    OhNoy! Di ka ba pwedeng mag-guest sa hot seat ng Bandila para naman malaman ng mga na-hyhypnotize ng media ang mga katotohanan tungkol kay Noy at sa pamilya na?

    Panalo yung pang stab stab ni krizy from goldi goldi ha!🙂

    — SIYEMPRE DAPAT BRANDED. REMEMBER THE ENDORSEMENTS NI KRITCH! — O.N.

  2. Anton

    Love this post!

  3. karma chameleon

    hahaha! sobrang tawa ko ng nabasa ko ‘tong post mo!

    it’s so damn “CRAZY, CRAZY, KUH-RAY-ZEEE!!!”

    siguro papahirin ni k ang dugo mo ng yellow Bench shirt at bibigyan ka niya ng autograph niya gamit ang mongol pencil.

    harharharhar! :))))

    — HAHAHAHA!🙂

  4. joel

    hahaha! hilarious! especially the pro-noy – undecided conversation… paumanhin, i copied the jpgs, save ko lang sa fb ko…. tnx!
    — NO PROBLEM, NAKUHA KO DIN YAN KUNG SAAN SAAN!🙂 – O.N.

  5. An Laki ng inis mo ke noy…siguro villar ka..hahahah
    wawa ka naman, laki na gastus ng kandidato mo, wala pa rin…..after the election, you will just be one of many frustrated B!tch…hahaha…FAIL..
    YOU FAIL BIG TIME.
    LOOSER!

    • mulatpinoy

      Look who’s talking?! your candidate is the biggest LOSER and the biggest JOKE in political history! or maybe the luckiest SOB if ever…getting elected all because of Mom and Pop, no achievements to speak of and is clearly being used by the Liar/Loser Party…He is a PUPPET like Arn Arn with Drilon and the other trapos as puppet masters and Roxas as the back-up plan in case Abnoy loses his sanity…

      and talking about spendings, your candidate’s commercials, print, radio and internet ads will put any shampoo/soap commercial of Procter & Gamble to shame…what can I say, The Liar/Loser Party is really cleaning up Abnoy’s act, polishing him like a dredged-up penny in a sewer and cloaking him with the biased power of the media, the hypocrite Pharisees-like voices of some clergy and religious groups and the subliminal ads of yellow mongoloid companies…what candidate will stand a chance against this seemingly dictator-like political atmosphere? I just hope people who spent billions for these glossy campaign ads will have their money’s worth as abnoy returns the favors and the Filipinos brace for their 6 years of darkeness…

    • bernardo carpio

      hanggang ngayon ang dami pa ring ads ni noynoy, saan kaya siya kumuha pera? sabi niya dati kulang ang pera niya. at pa’no kaya niya mababayaran ang lahat ng mga tumulong sa kanya?

      it’s true i’ll be frustrated ‘pag nanalo si noynoy, because we’ll have a leader na puro salita pero wala pa namang nagawa (not to mention mentally unstable), and you huwandlx will be frustrated too kasi you’ll realize na puso pala ang ginamit mo sa pagboto at hindi utak.

      • thinker-belle

        I’m no Villar supporter, but I sure agree with their latest commercial. “Buti na yung tayo ang tumutulong, imbes na tayo ang nanghihingi ng tulong.”

        Walang pera ba kamo si Noy? Simple. Eh di iasa sa mga nautong Pilipino! Bili tayo ng mga sticker at pins ng yellow ribbon! Buy yellow merchandise sa Tindahan ni Noynoy (http://www.noynoy.ph/v3/donate.php)! WTF is this crap?! He lambastes Villar on his campaign spending, but isn’t he doing the same now?

    • Mr.________

      You’re the one who failed big time? you know why? cause you voted for A RETARD! HAHAHAHA!!!

      Onbly retards vote for reatrds! That means you’re a retard too!

      ———————-
      To other supporters of other candidates: This is how you talk to an ABnoy supporter. Obviously, he doesn’t understand what accomplishments, track-record and results mean- he only knows ho to call and tease. I suggest you do the same- of course the naming and teasing should be at least backed by facts(like “Retard”)- these subhumans would lose the word war if we go to their level. After all, we are more advanced human beings.

  6. arm

    A daily dose of OhNoy a day keeps the ignorance away. Naks! keep writing!

  7. twister

    yung friend ko na pro-noy always brags to me na at least daw hindi talaga magnanakaw si noy. tsaka buti daw yung walang pinapangako kasi yung iba daw nangangako hindi naman tinutupad. gusto ko na isigaw sa kanya na ano bang klaseng lider yang gusto mo? walang vision!!! nagfofocus lang sa hindi gagawin at hindi dun sa anong gagawin makakapagsulong sa bansa!! grrr.. kakainis makipagdiskusyon sa die-hard yellow zombies!

  8. bam garuda

    Nice blog, nakakatawa pero may lesson😀

  9. Noytards

    The dialogue you wrote exactly describes what goes on everyday in different parts of the country. Noytards convincing unsuspecting victims to vote for Abnoy. Sana nga ganyan ang nangyari, that they’ll use their head instead.

    By the way, is “Doy” Laurel related to Mar Roxas? Seems history is repeating itself.

  10. ling

    I call the Noy-Noy supporters, “Yellow Submarines”, Villar supporters, “Agent Orangers”, Erap- “Fans of Erap”, Gordon- “Autobots”.

    I am a Gibo supporter, we call ourselves the “Green Team” or “Greenies”.

    So…the yellow submarines are getting cocky. even in my FB page. di ko na lang pinapatulan kasi baka sila masaktan sa malagim na katotohanan.

  11. noypikon

    Just imagine if Ngoy wins and we need to send leader abroad for international convention… Imagine Ngoyngoy speak infront of the international crowd. My God baka pagbalik nya dito sa Pinas all other country laugh their ass of at us dahil ang Pres ng Pilipinas ay isang walang kwenta at tangang idiot. Damn!

  12. edyeeh

    haha tingin ko nagiging constructive yung mga frustration mo kay noy sa blog na ito. Kaya dito ka na lang hehe. Ako umiwas na akong kumausap sa mga noyistas sa net. predictable na kahit ako pwede ko nang gayahin haha.

  13. engot

    ..well, i’m for Gibo…he is the true leader that our country needs…i compare mo naman sa abNoy na yan..f**king sh*t di ako makakapayag dyan.. if nangyari yan mauulit ang assasination..haha.

    ..well..vote wisely nalang..mamili kayo sa lahat wag si abNoy at si Villar..

  14. bong

    i love your posts and they do make sense. It make me laugh. keep it coming.

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